Sunday, March 7, 2010

Where’s my author insecurity?

We’ve talked about, written about it, even blogged about it…authors are, seemingly by nature, insecure creatures.

We hand something we’ve written to another person then cringe (either inwardly or in my case, visibly) while that person reads our words, desperate to see a smile or hear a chuckle at the right places. My editor knows, because I’ve explained this to her, that when she writes back to say “yes” to a book she must also tell me she loves it. If not, I start flipping over all sorts of rotten scenarios in my head about how she doesn’t really like it but they need to fill a slot in the schedule and this is the last time she’s taking one of these books from Tielle St. Clare! (Her voice rises in my mind as she reaches the end of that run-on sentence).

So, yes, insecure…sometimes. But not right now. I’m working on a book, due to my editor April 15, and I think it’s honestly one of the best stories I’ve written. I’m about two-thirds through the book. This is usually the point when I discover my fatal plot flaw and have to try to give the main characters have some motivation. Or I realize one of my sex scenes doesn’t quite work but I need it there. Something happens to stall my progress.

Not this time (at least not yet). The plot works. The characters have depth. There’s action. There's humor. There’s hot sex (well, duh). I’m so happy with this book, I can’t wait to finish it. I want to hand sections to people to read because I know they’ll come back with “my, it’s brilliant.” I know they will.

Having said that…who knows what the next week will bring? I might go from “genius mode” to “idiot mode” in a moment. Or as one of the women in my writers' group said “I don’t know who wrote that crap that was on my computer because what I wrote was perfect.”

I’m sure the insecurity will hit or at some point I’ll dread working on this story but right now, it’s fun and I can’t wait to get back to my keyboard. I’m riding the wave while it lasts.


Boone Brux said...

Never doubt you're a genius! I can't wait to hear how your editor raves over it. And don't feel alone in the world of self-chatter and living imaginary scenarios. Think of it as part of the creative process. Now get back to work:)

Tamera Lynn said...

Hey, ride the wave while you can! We all suffer from manic depressive disorder when it comes to our writing. If we didn't doubt ourselves, we'd never grow to be any better. And if we didn't believe in ourselves, we'd never be published. We need both swings of the pendulum, I think. The point is - keep on writing! And enjoy being Mistress of the Universe while you can!

Juniper Bell said...

Ride that wave, baby! Could it be that you've conquered your insecurity for good? All I can say is, if your new book really is your best yet, I can't wait to read it! ;)

Lynn LaFleur said...

Major fan here, Tielle. I love all your books and I'm sure I'll love whatever you write in the future. It's always such fun when the plot/conflict/sex comes together the way it's supposed to.


Cait Miller said...

Isn't it great when everything just seems to flow like that? Just go with it, it will be fantastic!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.