Sunday, November 30, 2008


I thought about doing a Thanksgiving theme...even though I'm Canadian and our Thanksgiving was in the sensible month of October. ;-)....but then I thought EVERYBODY does a Thanksgiving theme at this time of year. So maybe I should do something different...

A little while ago I posted a story about an incident that occurred to me with a Shuttle-Bus driver. How my candid approach to discussing my writing...was misinterpreted and got me into trouble. But...there is a flip side to that.

There's the innate trust that seems to come along with the knowledge that I write about things like m/m sex, anal toys and threesomes. It seems that along with that knowledge comes that assumption that they are talking to someone who is open to...just about anything. Who won't judge. Who will listen without prejudice or condemnation. Perhaps that's a big assumption to make, but in my case...for the most's true! And thanks to that I have been trusted with some very privileged and deeply intimate information. For the most part I am honored by that trust, and I do my best to do it justice.

In the last few years I've been entrusted with secrets ranging from tales of childhood sexual abuse, to dabbling in the BDSM scene, to a young man's struggle with his own leanings toward homosexuality. It always amazes--and thrills--me how candid the conversation can become, and how people are so eager to share their deepest secrets. When they know it's safe to do so.

I don't take that responsibility lightly. I keep their secrets, and I'm as understanding and supportive as my own experience allows me to be. I've made some wonderful friends because of it. And I hope to make many more.

I'm curious if other erotica authors have had similar experiences...and how YOU feel about it?


Lynn LaFleur said...

I've had similar experiences, Nikki. One particular friend comes to mind. He's told me things about his personal life that are very private. I feel privileged that he knows he can share with me and I won't tell anyone else.


Cait Miller said...

I know what you mean Nikki and agree completely. I've had some remarkably candid conversations about sex. Having said that though, I have often heard the words 'this won't end up in a book will it?' So I think it can also have the opposite effect on people. Great post!

Titania Ladley said...

I've been privy to secrets from readers and friends too, which can be very humbling. I hold their secrets close and in total confidence, just like I myself would expect if it were the other way around. I think in writing such intimate content, we speak to a lot of hearts, so it's a great compliment when people reach out to us. Your flip-side was very scary, but this side of the coin can more than make up for it. Great topic, Nikki!

Nikki_Soarde said...

Actually, Cait, I tend to get the opposite! My most recent conversation included a question as to whether I WANTED some ideas for a story! lol. I declined....for now.